A Weekend Trip In Quotes

Things That Happened in Wanaka (The first one is getting explained because it's like, "Oh, a totally explainable statement, but it's funny nonetheless." The second one just rocks.):

1. We played pool, all 3 of us (Kate, Ben, Lisa) and you had either numbers 1-5, 6-10, or 11-15 and you wanted yours to be the only ones on the table. If you scratched, the other two got to each put a ball back on the table. I scratched, Lisa put hers up, but Ben was on the other side of the room.

Ben: Can you grab one of my balls?
Lisa & Kate: Hysterical laughter.

2. This one is not getting an explanation because it's better that way.

Lisa: I usually start out with pants on.

berdineloves.co.ck

Lovely fencers, I miss you. I am most sorry I missed both the I Love the Eighties party as well as the fencer dinner, but it had to be done! I was in Rarotonga, the largest island in the Cook Islands at the time. To be honest, I don't really remember the 80s (but don't get any ideas, Savannah!).

A couple of things. Before we left for Rarotonga, my program had a get-together to learn about the Cook Islands. The Cook Islands are big into coconuts. One of the girls on my program is conveniently named Kate, and she has verbal flubs all the time. For instance, this is the girl who was trying to ask which side to put the hibiscus on. She was trying to ask which side to put it on if you are unattached (the right), but she couldn't seem to spit out "unattached," and instead said "unoccupied." We later learned that it is not a matter of being attached or unattached (or occupied or unoccupied, if that's the way you roll, although I think most people would be able to tell from other visual cues before they noticed the flower in your hair), but married or unmarried. Therefore, we should all be wearing our flowers behind our right ears.

I'm getting off track! The point is, we all had to give mini presentations, and Kate's was on coconuts. Older coconut trees produce harder coconuts. This led to "the meat is soft enough to eat, unless the coconut is old. Then it's hard and you can... do other stuff with it." She was about to list these other things when what she said registered in her head and everyone else's, and everyone started laughing. It turned out that one of these things you can do with an old, hard coconut is extract the cream, which did not help, to make massage oil. It took like ten minutes to get through this five minute presentation because either we were laughing or Kate was laughing or we were all laughing. Our program director said that she didn't realise that coconuts were so entertaining...

Secondly, you know how in New Zealand, the URLs end with .co.nz? Well, they do. Aussie ends in .co.au, etc, it's just a matter of what the country's abbreviation is. The abbreviation for the Cook Islands is ck. So, every time I saw a website, I did a little doubletake. I thought Kate would appreciate that.

GUESS WHO GETS HERE TOMORROW!?!!1!??!??!??1??!!1??????1???!????!1!!??!?

I just realised there was a hair in my tea. But it's my own hair, so I guess it's okay. I'm still not going to finish the tea, though :p

Capsicum

So, this evening over dinner, a few of us were discussing the different names for vegetables in New Zealand. For example, a zucchini is called courget or courgette (kor-zhet, although the kor is sort of like kouer). We were going through these vegetables, and we got to capsicum.

Shalom's comment was that it always sounded a little bit phallic to her, what with the "cap" and the "cum." I said that it was strange, because bell peppers are probably the least phallic vegetable of them all. And then we spent a a few minutes trying to come up with a vegetable less phallic than bell peppers/the least phallic vegetable...

Carrots, corn, zucchinis, and cucumbers all did not make the cut. We eventually ended up with onions. So. Let that be a lesson to you.

The only other vegetable name difference that I can think of off the top of my head is eggplant, which is aubergine. Oh, and spring onions are green onions.

Mm, also to add, I already told Other Mo this story, and it is really for her than anyone else, but I saw two roosters fighting in Hawaii, which I guess is technically a cockfight. I was telling some other students about it, and one of them started talking about these worms that penis joust? I guess they have the capacity to be both male and female, but they both want to be the male, so they run at each other with their junk out and the first one to stab the other is the one that gets to be the guy. That would give me a lot of motivation to get better at fencing...

When I got out of work, I actually thought, "Maybe I'll clean my room tonight"

Hi! So for once, I have an ACTUAL INAPPROPRIATE STORY to share with you all! I was hoping these could wait until there were fun Lisa & Kate Shenanigans, but clearly they cannot. So! Last night I had to work because it was one of those days that end in "Y." And at like 9, my manager was like, "Who wants to go home?" and I kind of kiddingly said that one of the other waitresses won because she was in today at 8:30am and I wasn't in until 11am. And Manager was like, "You can go if you want" and Coworker was cool with it, so I wasn't about to fight. And I got to leave! Yay! So I get home and my flatmates are like, "What the hell are you doing here?" and then we watched House and then they had friends show up from out of town and so they went upstairs and I was like, "Hmm...antisocial" so I watched me some Flight of the Conchords. And then 2 and a half episodes later, I felt I should have some fun. So I come upstairs and they are all playing this game that is...so bizarre. Basically. You have a box of wine. You take out the sack of wine within, and ditch the bottom of the box, making one open-ended box. Put the box on the floor, open end up, and you must pick it up with your teeth without letting your hands or knees touch the ground. After everyone goes, another layer is ripped off of the box to make it shorter and, thus, harder. Well. This is insane. So I come in about halfway through, everyone is still in, and I jump in because why the eff not? It turns out I kind of rock at this game, thank you very much. So I get third because my French and German flatmates are some sort of superhuman creatures who tied because there was no more edge on the box and they could still lean over and get it. It was just a piece of cardboard on the ground!! I got out the round before, when there was an eensy border still on there. Still, third ain't bad. So then we play some Twister, which you all know I suck at, but we all kind of sucked, but I still lost repeatedly. And then I was like, "Let's go swimming in the lake!" and they were all, "Boo, hot pools!" because they're pussies. But the lake is within walking distance and the hot pools are not, and one sober flatmate refuses to drive, so we only have one sober, car-owning person. But he has a van. So the eleven of us are like, "Let's take the van" (no, there was a debate first, but it was silly). So we load up, 3 in the front on the actual seats, and 8 people in the back of the van. There are no seats in the back of the van, there's just open space. Someone comments on how this is illegal. Duh. Although not something I'd've thought of. When telling this story at work, they were like, "Of course that's illegal. Come on" but it's not something I thought about. So we're discussing how, like, if we get pulled over, there is something like a $200 fine per person, so that cop will've hit the motherload. So the Driver is like, "I'm sticking to smaller roads, I'm spending as little time on Spa Road as possible." Understandable. So we're driving there, and one guy in the front turns around and takes a picture of us. I glance out back at the cars behind us and am like, "Let's not draw attention to ourselves by using the flash in a moving vehicle." I don't say this, I think it. Mostly because as I think it, the car I'm looking at turns on the red and blue lights on the top of itself. Yes. So. We pull over, and we're all basically like, "Dude, Tom. Say we are all drunk and you're taking us home because we can't drive. Go with it." I mean, it is 1:30am on a Friday night. So he gets out of the car and walks to the cop car. The cop gets out. They have a little discussion. We are slouched in the back in fear. And Tom is like, "Yeah, my friends are all drunk, so I am driving them all home." The cop shines his light in the back of the van - where there are 8 of us - and says, "Damn, how many kids you got back there?" He then walks to the front and talks to Tom some more. Shines his flashlight on the registration. And says, "Well, everyone's sitting down. Seems safe enough to me," and leaves.

I freaking love this country.

This tag will (hopefully) be used a lot

This is in reply to Lisa's latest post. But I couldn't comment on it, so I put it here. Because I CAN.

Dear Lisa,
Earlier today, this transpired between D-Ber and me (I have decided to camouflage people's names on the internet by J-Loing them):
Me: i miss you like whoa
D-Ber: hehe
D-Ber: well git yo foo ass back!
Me: hahaha, i can't, lisa is almost here
Me: LISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR MY EXCITEMENT, LIKE, SERIOUSLY.
D-Ber: yeah
D-Ber: I betr
D-Ber: *bet
Me: i mean, lisa
D-Ber: I miss you both more with her gone too, oddly
Me: like, not even someone i'm kind of excited about. freaking lisa.
D-Ber: theres... nobody left
Me: because we're the same person

Anyway, obviously earlier today I missed you, but this entry has made me miss you even more. You're very entertaining online. Anyway, as for explaining jokes, I was hanging out with some friends from Germany, France, and the UK and I made a "That's what she said" joke, and they were like, "I don't understand, who said that?" So I know all about explaining jokes. However, that night my Canadian flatmate was talking about it being busy at work (he's a skydiving instructor. Seriously!) and he said, "We got pounded, man" and my Kiwi flatmate (who is a kayaking instructor, which has not been so busy. However, kayaking is awesome, so also Seriously!) went, "I would love to get pounded" and I (obviously) said, "That's what she said." And they both reacted like, "Yeah. You just made that joke." So SOME people get it.

Also, my own "That's what she said" just made me giggle in the retelling of the story. So that's me.

Love,
Kate

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-caulk.htm

Hi-lo!

I am in the middle of making curry (Japanese curry, not Indian or Thai curry, although those are delicious as well if you are not Benjamin), but I wanted to add a quick explanatory note.

In the interest of protecting our not-hated ones during this festive season, we will be using a codename for a certain somebody! You may use whatever code name you wish when you are leaving comments, so long as they are ridiculous enough that we know whom you are talking about. I have opted for Sparky, at least for the time being.

If you don't know who Sparky is, here are some helpful hints!

- He reminds me of a badger, but he may remind you of a penguin, a puppet, or a velociraptor.
- He doesn't like potatoes. Potatoes don't like him. We all agree with the potatoes, 'cept for maybe Jim!
- I'm joking!
- (you have to say it out loud, like you are singing)
- He is like a venus fly trap.
- He has a green robe!
- He has at least two clones... there may be a third.

So. Comply! Bye!

"Star Wars" can be typed with one hand!

Hi there, peaches and plums!

So yes, this is a joint blog, and also, it is awesome. Jointly awesome.

I have to admit that Mark (yes, Mark...) gets some credit. I told him in an IM conversation that I was struggling to come up with a blogspot address and that, if it were a blog just for fencers, I would make it berdinelovescaulk. Mark told me, perhaps jokingly, that I should make two! So I have one and a half. My blog for everyone, including family and very religious friends, is golisago.blogspot.com. You can check it out sometime, but trust me, this one is going to be way cooler and hotter.

Things this blog promises:
- to make fun of you a lot, especially if you are Mark, Sparky, or Ben.
- giggling.
- the occasional story from New Zealand.
- !!!1!!111!1!!!!!11!!1!1!!!!! <-- expect a lot of this. Enjoy.